I sent a man to jail...this pleases me

So I got some interesting news today concerning a certain incident that happen Almost a year ago. Sometime in August of last year I happened to be in a really bad area of Jersey City and was mugged by two gentlemen. Some say I had it coming for not knowing where I was. I do blame myself a little for being that dumb and parking in that area, but I was more concerned about being there to do my job (I used to walk dogs over there. Still walking dogs, just not in the ghetto). So anyway, I had just finished walking a dog and I was walking back to my boss's car, which she had lent me. I had her care because an hour previous to this event, my own car caught fire....on the 6th year anniversary that my house caught fire. So that day was already shaping up to be an awesome day!

Anyway I open the door to the car and I hear someone say "Yo." Right here is where I should have said fuck it, and just get in the car and drive away. But no, this random "Yo." sparked my curiosity causing me to turn around. To my front stood a burly, stout white gentlemen who seemed to be in his late teens or early twenties. To my left was a skinny black gentlemen who had his right hand in my pocket searching for my wallet. Lets call them dude #1 and dude #2.

Dude #1 starts to yell at me saying, "Give me your fucking wallet!" And in all honesty, I seriously thought this was a joke for a split second until I looked at dude #2 and realized he was holding something with his other hand in his pocket. Mind you, what he was holding was kind sticking out through the pocket and looked rather, how can I put this? Sharp. So dude # 1 tells me to put my hands up (which I did) and to give him my car keys (which he took). At this point they had told me to stand by the fence near the jeep as dude #2 went to get into the car from the other side. Dude #1 looks at me and starts to tell me that if I run, he's going to kill me. If I yell, He's going to kill me. Pretty much a lot of stuff suggesting that I'm going to get shanked, which isn't cool.

So they both hop into the car and look at me and tell me that if I go to the cops after this, they'll know where to find me because they have my wallet and that they'll murder my family and then eventually murder me. At this point I was shitting bricks. And no matter how many times I've heard "Dude, I would have totally fucked them up" after hearing this story, I'm 100% convinced that anyone in this situation would have soiled their undies as well. But just for the record, I somehow managed to not crap my pants.

So after the last life threatening remark, the realize they forgot to search me for a cell phone. So they ask me to pat myself down and empty my pockets. Mind you I'm like 15 feet away at this point. I pretend that I didn't have my cell phone and told them I didn't bring it with me. They bought the story and proceeded to drive off with my boss's car. At this point, it really hit me like a ton of bricks. I just got mugged at knife point, they know where I live and my boss's car just got stolen. A vehicle, not belonging to me, that I was put in charge of, stolen.

So I did what any other sane person would do. I ran into traffic panicing like a mad man. Now I'm going to leave out some plot points to this story because it's a rather long tale, and it's like I'm reading Tolkein here. But I called the cops and give them a description. They find the car 2 hours later in a park and I got to be a part of a stake out, waiting to see if they would come back. Let me just say, that had to be one the coolest/scariest things I've ever got to do. After that we went to look at records of kids under 18 to see if I found them, but no luck there.

We're on our way back to the station and we're a block away from where I was mugged, stuck at a red light. I look to my left at the corner of the street and see the two douchebags that mugged me, standing there. And as I'm looking (I swear on my dead grandfather that this happened) dude #1 looks right at me and we're stareing at each other and this look of "Oh....shit" just overcomes his face. That moment, was better than cumming, I shit you not. I tell the cop, he plays it off like he didnt hear anything. Keeps driving a little more, calls it in and then boom, every fucking cop in the Jersey City north district shows up. We make a u-turn and I see a fucking bike cop jump off his ride and knock those 2 assholes down. He pulls out his gat and tells them to freeze. It was like watching pacific blue, but straight. Anyway, long story short, I made the ID, they found checks made out to my boss and them and they went to county jail.

Now, the news I received that I mentioned in the first sentence of this epic tale, is that I found out that dude #1 had his trial, and is now going to be in jail for 5 years of wonderful ass rapeage. I'm still waiting to hear what's going to happen with dude #2 but I'm sure he will suffer the same fate. So as of right now, I'm a happy little camper. Until 5 years are up and I have to move to Fiji. ...


Later

-Davel